The comparison pity party I had with myself

pity party Kelly Summersett

A month ago I wrote about the one small thing I committed to do daily for a month to get me unfunked from my workout slump….run. And not just any run…run up and back down this brutal hill in my ‘hood. 

It took me 10:44 on my first attempt and with consistency my times kept moving down. Get this — by day 11 I shaved off 1 1/2 minutes! 

This was all very encouraging so I decided to increase my training beyond the hill and sign up for The Chattanooga Chase 8K which happened to be around the end of my one month unfunk commitment. This was going to be the perfect race to test my hill training because it highlights a hill from hell — Minnekahda Road. 

So here’s where the comparison pity party comes in. 

I used to categorize myself as a runner. I enjoyed it, it came easy to me, and I was pretty good.

The Chattanooga Chase was the very first race I ever ran back in 2005 and I took 1st as overall female finisher with a time of 36:00. 

This time? I sucked ass. My time was 44:15. The last couple miles hurt so bad it literally felt like I hadn’t trained at all. 

And man, did I get emotional and weepy after the race.

“How could you let yourself go like that?”

“I can’t believe women so much older than you finished minutes faster”

“What a loser and has-been”

“You’re getting so old and flabby. You’ll never be great again”

Oh yeah, my Inner Critic had a field day making me feel like shit and I secretly wallowed in her B.S. off and on for the remainder of the day

And then I decided to call off the pity party and do some productive reflection…

Comparing my current self to my more youthful self is B.S. It’s draining and makes me feel helpless and sad and I’m too mature to give away my power like that. Aging is literally part of life and I get to choose how I’ll move through it.

I was a much better runner back in the day in part because I was running (a lot) to escape parts of my life. Today my life is full and there’s no need to escape and I’m very grateful for that.

My Inner Critic drove me back then. “She” was my negative and shitty motivator yelling at me to always try harder for that perfect body and was always first to point out all the imperfections (body and otherwise) that needed my time and attention. She fed me the line that perfection gave me worth. Hahahaha. I’m so grateful that I’ve learned to recognize her evil B.S. quick and instead listen to my kick-ass Intuition who is so much more kind and helpful :) 

So I went out and ran for an hour yesterday, a week post-race. It was painful and my legs hurt. And you know what? I was grateful. 

Grateful for all those early years that shaped me into who I am today. Grateful that if I decide to get back into the running scene I’ll do it for the right reasons and with a much healthier mindset. And grateful that I get to run. 


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Jaded? I didn’t find my soul mate until I did this. You in?

Wayne Dyer -- you don't attract what you want. You attract what you are.

I'm in reflection mode and thinking about my relationship and how I absolutely love it. It’s easy, loving, passionate, rewarding, and a lot of fun and it’s been this way since we met over seven years ago. 

 

Prior to that? My relationships were hard, unfulfilling, and draining.

 

What changed? I changed. After I got my divorce I knew the imperative next step was to work on me. I realized that I was the common denominator in all of my unfulfilling relationships and if I ever wanted to find the love of my life it needed to start with me loving me.

 

An eye-opening quote I remember reading:

 

What appears to be coming at you may be coming from you.

 

Damn! That’s harsh, especially when you want to believe it’s the other person. 

 

I had to shine the light on my stuck patterns so that I could get unstuck and learn to shine. 

 

Since my relationships typically lacked trust and respect I realized that I needed to work on those within me if I ever wanted to attract them in another person.

 

And when I did — bam! She literally showed up — at Allen Golds no less! This seedy dance club may very well be the most unlikely place to ever meet your soul mate! 

 

I found her because I was finally completely open to finding her. I had worked past my blocks and was ready for a healthy relationship because I finally had a healthy one with me. 

 

When I did my self-work I also learned how to..

speak up for myself without apologizing or fearing that I may say something wrong 

be self-compassionate and stop beating myself up for every little thing

uncover my purpose and passions so that dimming my light became a thing of the past 

exude inner-confidence and stopped comparing myself 

love full-on and express myself without tabling my enthusiasm or feeling that I couldn’t be ‘all in’ with someone

deeply trust myself and my ability to be in a healthy relationship

stop self-sabotaging my goals and the better habits I wanted for myself

respect myself by learning about and honoring my boundaries and values 

 

Are you single and ready to do your own self-work so you find your soul mate? 

 

Start here:

1. What is one relationship pattern you notice that you’re sick and tired of?

2. Where does your mind go when this pattern happens?

3. Get curious — How may you be contributing to this pattern?

4. What is one small thing you start doing to shift this pattern in you?

 

Example:

1. I attract guys who are emotionally unavailable.

2. This makes me doubt myself and I think there’s something I need to do different (better, more of…) to make me more attractive to him.

3. * I’m not sure how I’m contributing to this pattern. I feel like I bend over backwards to make sure our time together is great. Maybe I am giving too much of myself away? Are there ever times that I’m not emotionally available because I don’t want to get burned?

4. I’m going to start paying more attention to my emotional needs because I don’t think I’ve ever done that before.

   * This step can be tricky because we’ve typically been too close to the situation for too long to see it with much objectivity. 

 

Your mind developed stuck patterns long ago and they generally feel real, unchangeable, and ‘just who I am.’ This is why it’s common to get jaded, stalled-out, or feel like you have to settle.

 

The good news? It doesn't take as long to unstuck yourself from these patterns as you may think! That is, if you're open to learning and growing.

 

I am developing a master course for single women who are ready to get to the bottom of their stuck patterns so they change their love-life stories once and for all. And I am beyond excited about it! 

 

As I’m developing the modules I’d love to get your occasional input to ensure I capture your biggest frustrations and hear what I would need to bring to the table to make sure this course delivered the kick-ass results you need.

 

If you think being part of my class development tribe would be fun and you’d like to share your opinions please simply click here to reply and I’ll add you.

 

I’ll also start up a private Face Book group since it's a great way for you to give me input and also an easy way for me to offer you tools and useful insight as a thank you ;) 

 

Recap: This course will be for single women who are tired of not finding the right relationship and see that doing their own self-work is the catalyst to change it all.

 

Important: Being part of the development team doesn't obligate or guilt you in any way to sign up once the class is complete. I ain't that kinda girl :) But it may get you a discount if you were interested ;) 

 

Who do you know? If none of this speaks to you but you know someone who might benefit, please share this with them. And hey! Thank you for reading to the end :) 

 

Questions? Holla! 

 

Wanna be part of the class development tribe? Click here and I'll add you. 


Are you part of my Motivation Monday Tribe?
Hardcore motivation, on the day you need it most? Drop your name and email here if not and let’s start rocking Mondays together!

Bonus!
Get the tool I use every time my current situation feels heavy, stressful, or icky. It works like a champ to quickly turn it around and I am confident it will do that for you too. Get it here.