self confidence

Are you still pulling this crap? People pleasers unite!

Kelly Summersett, pleasing you vs people pleasing

Hey there! Tough love Kelly here with a very important announcement:

Just because you're a super talented, organized, very capable, can make anything work, and say yes to a lot of requests and opportunities kind of gal doesn’t mean you should!

We can’t help we were made pretty damn awesome and can juggle a lot in life without asking for much in return. 

But you know what happens when you don’t course correct? You burn out, act out, become sad or depressed, feel frazzled, and become a shell of yourself.

And girl, life’s too damn short to think you need to stay in that cycle. Hell no! 

People pleasing is what we’ve been taught to do to fit into society. It looks selfless yet you know what it really is? It’s just less-self. 

Let me restate:

Just because you are very capable of saying yes and then juggling and bending to make it all work doesn’t mean you should!

Who are you? What are your passions? What are your boundaries? What do you want to say yes and no too? Why?

Thoughtfully answering these questions is key to a fulfilling and joyful life and guess what? Your relationships, all your relationships, actually work better when you’re honoring who you are and how you want to intentionally show up for your one precious life. 

What will you intentionally say no to this week? Why? Comment below! Writing it down (and sharing it) is positive pressure to follow through.

Like podcasts? We talk all about this topic in our latest episode, Pleasing you VS people pleasing. Tune in where you listen to your podcasts or click here. 

Use this bar/drinking analogy to create better relationships

The law of attraction - Wayne Dyer

I have clients who want easier and more fulfilling relationships or to figure out how to find the one and I tell them that it will come in time after they work on themselves and become who they want in a partner.

The looks I get are pretty priceless and they’ll often reply with stuff like:

“I’m pretty great now!’
But I already work hard to make my relationships work and it doesn't work.” 
I’ve always attracted losers. I don’t have any luck.”
Huh?”

And so I tell them the bar analogy:

Pretend you’re a big partier and you drink too much with your bar friends. You wake up one day and decide this is it! You’re fed up with feeling hung over and decide you're no longer going to be a drinker.

Are you going to keep hanging out at the bar? Of course not. You’re going to find different interests that match up with who you have decided to become — a non drinker.

You decide to start hiking and now you have attracted hiker friends. You drink green smoothies and have great times planning your next adventures together. 

In both instances you have successfully attracted who you are being.

They see what I mean yet I can tell, and sometimes they will flat out say, that they don’t see how it could work for them.

So they start doing the work I assign that strengthens their relationship with themselves and before you know it they are super excited to tell me about their new love interest who treats them with so much respect. Or they happily report that their tension-filled relationship with their parter has shifted and they haven’t fought in weeks. 

Yaaaaaaas!

In the first example, she has become someone who has developed more respect for herself which is why she has now attracted someone who also holds that same level of respect for her.

In the second example she has become someone who no longer takes her partner’s comments personally or makes negative assumptions about what they mean. She has learned how to be confident and ask for clarification and speak up for herself (without guilt or being overly emotional) which is why her partner is also responding better and matching the new energy she’s bringing to the relationship. 

And that's indeed how it works. Be who you want to attract. It's a beautiful way to show up and rock this one precious life of yours.

Are you ready to have a super fine relationship with yourself and become who you want to attract?

Let’s have a chat to see if working together may make sense.

I wasn’t at all confident that I’d ever find my soulmate since I’d never been in successful relationships in the past.

Kelly helped me work on my relationship with myself and gave me tools that allowed me to stop putting so much pressure on myself, helped me understand my stuck patterns and boundaries and encouraged me to have fun and enjoy the process.

And when I did my soul mate literally showed up. We’re in the process of planning our wedding and it’s the best feeling in the world!
— Melanie Silva, Vice President of Smart Furniture

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