I have clients who want easier and more fulfilling relationships or to figure out how to find the one and I tell them that it will come in time after they work on themselves and become who they want in a partner.
The looks I get are pretty priceless and they’ll often reply with stuff like:
“I’m pretty great now!’
”But I already work hard to make my relationships work and it doesn't work.”
”I’ve always attracted losers. I don’t have any luck.”
And so I tell them the bar analogy:
Pretend you’re a big partier and you drink too much with your bar friends. You wake up one day and decide this is it! You’re fed up with feeling hung over and decide you're no longer going to be a drinker.
Are you going to keep hanging out at the bar? Of course not. You’re going to find different interests that match up with who you have decided to become — a non drinker.
You decide to start hiking and now you have attracted hiker friends. You drink green smoothies and have great times planning your next adventures together.
In both instances you have successfully attracted who you are being.
They see what I mean yet I can tell, and sometimes they will flat out say, that they don’t see how it could work for them.
So they start doing the work I assign that strengthens their relationship with themselves and before you know it they are super excited to tell me about their new love interest who treats them with so much respect. Or they happily report that their tension-filled relationship with their parter has shifted and they haven’t fought in weeks.
In the first example, she has become someone who has developed more respect for herself which is why she has now attracted someone who also holds that same level of respect for her.
In the second example she has become someone who no longer takes her partner’s comments personally or makes negative assumptions about what they mean. She has learned how to be confident and ask for clarification and speak up for herself (without guilt or being overly emotional) which is why her partner is also responding better and matching the new energy she’s bringing to the relationship.
And that's indeed how it works. Be who you want to attract. It's a beautiful way to show up and rock this one precious life of yours.
Are you ready to have a super fine relationship with yourself and become who you want to attract?
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