Wayne Dyer

My control confession and the five steps I used to fix it

Wayne Dyer quotes

There were some things I really wanted to happen last week that didn’t despite my positive outlook and actions. I recognized on Wednesday that I was pretty grumpy about it all and decided to give myself a mental health reset for most of the day. I started a Wayne Dyer book I’ve been excited to dive into and I took a rare and very delicious nap. 

When I woke on Thursday my mind was right and I was ready to tackle the day with a fresh outlook and alternative plan.

Back in B.C. times (Before Compassion)…

I would have never allowed myself this time off. I would have been pissed that things didn’t go as planned and I would have pushed myself and the situation harder to get the results I wanted in the time frame I expected.

My days back then were filled with a lot of stress, worry, and anxiety because I was hell bent on controlling all situations and I also judged everything as bad or wrong when things didn’t go according to 'my plan'.

Control. It’s such a common and ugly habit that we all get sucked into on various levels and here’s an important reminder to you and to me:

Stop it! 

Whenever you’re trying to control the timeline, expectations, and outcome of a situation you’re pretty much making it up. That’s right. We’re great at making shit up and then getting our shorts in a wad when it doesn’t happen according to our ‘plan’.

Do you see the ridiculousness of that?! 

What’s going on today or this week that has you in control mode? Experiment with a better way to move through it by applying these five steps:

#1
Set your positive intentions and take the best positive actions that you know how to do that will move you forward with your goal

#2
Focus only on the actions and attitudes that you control

#3
Trust and flow that things will work out in perfect time (when you keep at #1 and #2). This of course is what we never want to do because we’re such control freaks but trust me on this one…it works.

#4
Be open to twists and turns. Remember: You simply thought it up in your head how it was supposed to go. Maybe, just maybe, there’s another path that will take you to an even better place. Trust and flow :)

#5
Evaluate and reset as necessary — show yourself some damn compassion!  Maybe, like me, you catch the deflated spirit bug on occasion, it’s OK! Take some time off (even a couple minutes helps!) to reset and reflect.

It does wonders for your mind and actually speeds up your progress. Powering through and beating yourself up slows down your creativity, problem solving, and results.

I'm curious, how do you let go of control? Share your your tip or strategy in the comments -- we all benefit! 

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Use this bar/drinking analogy to create better relationships

The law of attraction - Wayne Dyer

I have clients who want easier and more fulfilling relationships or to figure out how to find the one and I tell them that it will come in time after they work on themselves and become who they want in a partner.

The looks I get are pretty priceless and they’ll often reply with stuff like:

“I’m pretty great now!’
But I already work hard to make my relationships work and it doesn't work.” 
I’ve always attracted losers. I don’t have any luck.”
Huh?”

And so I tell them the bar analogy:

Pretend you’re a big partier and you drink too much with your bar friends. You wake up one day and decide this is it! You’re fed up with feeling hung over and decide you're no longer going to be a drinker.

Are you going to keep hanging out at the bar? Of course not. You’re going to find different interests that match up with who you have decided to become — a non drinker.

You decide to start hiking and now you have attracted hiker friends. You drink green smoothies and have great times planning your next adventures together. 

In both instances you have successfully attracted who you are being.

They see what I mean yet I can tell, and sometimes they will flat out say, that they don’t see how it could work for them.

So they start doing the work I assign that strengthens their relationship with themselves and before you know it they are super excited to tell me about their new love interest who treats them with so much respect. Or they happily report that their tension-filled relationship with their parter has shifted and they haven’t fought in weeks. 

Yaaaaaaas!

In the first example, she has become someone who has developed more respect for herself which is why she has now attracted someone who also holds that same level of respect for her.

In the second example she has become someone who no longer takes her partner’s comments personally or makes negative assumptions about what they mean. She has learned how to be confident and ask for clarification and speak up for herself (without guilt or being overly emotional) which is why her partner is also responding better and matching the new energy she’s bringing to the relationship. 

And that's indeed how it works. Be who you want to attract. It's a beautiful way to show up and rock this one precious life of yours.

Are you ready to have a super fine relationship with yourself and become who you want to attract?

Let’s have a chat to see if working together may make sense.

I wasn’t at all confident that I’d ever find my soulmate since I’d never been in successful relationships in the past.

Kelly helped me work on my relationship with myself and gave me tools that allowed me to stop putting so much pressure on myself, helped me understand my stuck patterns and boundaries and encouraged me to have fun and enjoy the process.

And when I did my soul mate literally showed up. We’re in the process of planning our wedding and it’s the best feeling in the world!
— Melanie Silva, Vice President of Smart Furniture

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