'it's not so bad' was REALLY SO BAD. Don't do this!
I was married once before and here’s my mindset from that marriage:
So many of my friends are getting married. I better snatch up this guy who's showing interest in me so I'm not left out.
I can make this relationship work. No relationship is going to be super fun all the time and besides, relationships take work.
Divorce is not an option. Divorce is for failures who must not have it all together.
I can make myself happy in any situation and can make anything work. Isn't that what happiness is?
‘It’s not so bad.’ There are definitely lots of couples I know who are worse off than us.
Here’s the subconscious script I was playing…
I am not worthy of a great relationship. This is all I can hope for.
It’s me. If I would only try harder or be more understanding our relationship would be better.
It’s not worth me speaking up about how I really feel because it won’t change anything.
If I would consider a divorce who else would want me and my children?
It would be too hard to start over, besides I’m too old.
All of this was Inner Critic B.S. Lies she told me to keep me ‘safe’ from playing bigger in my relationship and life.
I remember feeling anxious, unsettled, ‘off’ and drained most of the time. My body was speaking to me and 'saying' that the relationship wasn’t right and that I was settling. But back then my Inner Critic’s voice was the only one I heard.
‘You’re not worthy of more, Kelly!’
‘You need to try harder, Kelly!’
‘Divorce is for losers, Kelly!’
‘You don’t know how to have a better relationship, Kelly!’
Despite my Inner Critic’s loud voice (or because of it), I ended up crashing and the marriage exploded.
Did it have to happen that way? Certainly not. It could have played out much better had I known better tools to apply.
Hell, if I want to play the ‘what coulda been’ game I don’t think we would have ever gotten married had I known better tools to apply back then.
And that’s neither here nor there because the fact is that I didn’t know better tools back then.
But you know what? It’s because of my big ‘ole shitstorm that I do the work I do now. No one needs to go through life like I did and in fact they don’t when they have better tools to apply.
If you hear yourself justifying your relationships, romantic or otherwise, and saying ‘it’s not so bad’, check in with yourself.
Do you really believe that? Or is this an Inner Critic tactic to ‘keep you safe’ from coming into your kick-ass self?
Because you know what? When we lose that nagging voice life actually gets much, much better — not worse.
My life now? I have a great relationship with my former husband and am re-married to the love of my life :) In fact, we all travel together sometimes.
I feel worthy
I speak up
I listen to my intuitive voice and check in with my body for the real truth
I trust myself in relationships
I take bold on-target actions that elevate my relationships
Next Level You is coming up! Lose your Inner Critic, find the kick-ass you. If you’re justifying anything right now and feel unsettled, 'off', or that you're settling and you want to get to the bottom of it, please get on the first-to-know list now.
This month (like a week from now!) I am hosting free online and in-person exclusive previews and a private Facebook group with FB lives and lots of Inner Critic training so you can get a taste to see if this small group coaching class may be for you.
Next Level You starts in September and it’s limited to eight. The early incentive discounts/bonuses will ensure it sells out.
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