5 sneaky ways we take things personally (& how to stop!)
Do you ever take things personally?
If you’re like how I used to be, I thought it was natural. It was just how I was wired.
Oh hell no!
Now that I understand the science behind how we operate as humans, I not only have clarity about why I still slip up from time to time but also have the tools to course-correct much, much sooner.
This keeps me living in my power and saves so much of my time, joy, and productivity for living life!
Here are five sneaky ways we take things personally:
1. Have personal guilt or shame about something
Example:
Becky’s mom is sad about the news that she is divorcing her husband and she tells Becky that she wishes she wouldn’t do it.
Becky is already experiencing a lot of guilt and shame about the whole thing and feels that her mom is taking sides and not being supportive.
2. Identify with what someone said or did
Example:
Rhonda’s co-worker tells her that because she didn’t get the email to her by 2pm that now the project is stalled-out.
Rhonda secretly believes that she’s not very competent (subjective) and so when her co-worker says this to her in her smug ‘you’re a dumb-ass’ tone (subjective), Rhonda gets really hurt.
3. Don’t know the whole story and make assumptions
Example:
Tina finds out that her friends went to happy hour and they didn’t invite her.
Tina gets pissed-off and tells her partner, co-workers, the grocery store clerk, and her dog about what disrespectful and terrible friends she has.
What really happened? Tina’s friends know how busy she’s been and innocently assumed she would say no to the invite.
4. Want to control how a person responds
Example:
Sarah believes that everyone needs to be responsible and get vaccinated.
Sarah’s friend, who she thought she knew soooo well, isn’t getting vaccinated and this makes Sarah so mad. She feels betrayed because she really did think that she knew her.
5. Get your worth and value from external validation
Example:
Mary completed a project and she was excited to get a positive email from her boss, like she got last time, telling her about the great job she did. She doesn’t get one.
Mary is hurt and stays up three nights in a row wondering what she did wrong and what she could have done better.
Do any of the above examples resonate with you? If you’re ready to take your power back over your mind, joy, and time, here are five areas to work on.
Pick one area to start with and decide on one small consistent action to take that will up-level your relationship with your mind and yourself.
1.Work through your personal guilt and shame
2.Quiet your Inner Critic and manage your mind
3.Practice speaking up with confidence to gain clarity on what is said or done
4.Build up an authentic and real relationship with yourself
5.Have compassion for yourself which gives you compassion for others
Do you have questions or want to dive deeper into this work?
If you’ve tried on your own before and you tend to stall-out, beat yourself up, or simply feel overwhelmed about how or where to start, reach out and let's schedule a clarity Q&A call.
It's free, valuable, and you will have at least one ah-ha takeaway to start practicing in your own life regardless if you continue working with me or not.
Are you part of my Motivation Monday Tribe?
Hardcore motivation, on the day you need it most? Drop your name and email here if not and let’s start rocking Mondays together!
Bonus!
Get the tool I use every time my current situation feels heavy, stressful, or icky. It works like a champ to quickly turn it around and I am confident it will do that for you too. Get it here.