Friction is actually GREAT and here's why

Friction is useful

I often give clients a gratitude assignment because it truly is a keystone habit that makes everything in our lives work better.  

Part of the assignment is to reflect on things that have happened in their life that at the time didn’t feel super awesome. In fact they probably felt downright shitty at the time.

Part two? Find gratitude for it.

It’s easy to be grateful when things are going right (and we aren’t even grateful then in a lot of cases because we often take those times for granted) but to be grateful for the hard times? That’s a tall order. 

It’s a tall order with a tall payoff!

So I gave this assignment to a client recently and I love the word she used to describe what those hard times feel like:


What a great and accurate word to describe times when we’re stuck and frustrated, perhaps even blaming others or the circumstances themselves, for our discomfort. 

Friction is there to tell us something! Be grateful for friction.

F then G

Friction then Gratitude

Got friction? What’s it telling you? Be grateful for the warning/clarity/insight, and take the appropriate action. 

A quick example: I felt a lot of friction and tightness when my son was being distant. What was the friction telling me? To speak up. I was grateful I spoke up because we came to a better understanding and now our relationship feels easier. 

Speaking of friction, we often have a lot of it surrounding decision making. 

“Should I speak up to my boss and risk my job or stay quiet?”

“Should I stay in my relationship because he’s nice sometimes?”

“Should I say no to overtime and go to my daughter’s play even though we need the money?”

“Should I eat that donut or the apple? 

We tend to over-think and over-evaluate decisions and often times avoid making them altogether because it stresses us out. 

Did you know? Your brain generalizes "friction" and associates it with pain and avoidance as a rule even when friction may be telling you something important like speak up! or go for it?

If you want to have more time and energy {and less friction} living and thriving with your on-target decisions sign up for our brand new free Under-Thinking crash course.

Help me learn how to under-think!

Even if this crash course isn't your thing please get in the habit of remembering F then G. 

Got friction? What’s it telling you? Be grateful for the warning/clarity/insight, and take the appropriate action.

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your body knows before you do

Healers of the Light photo credit

We have so many layers! Even when I think I’ve got stuff figured out there’s always another clarity level waiting for me to master.

My business partner is helping me with a new layer :) 

I met Darlene a year ago at a podcast workshop. She’s a counselor and we share similar philosophies and both geek out when we talk about brain science solutions to everyday challenges.  

She’s teaching me to further strengthen my intuitive sense and to check in with my body to determine what it needs.

It may sound whoo-whoo or even obvious but think about it — we typically ignore our bodies and what they’re telling us because we’re caught up in our ‘logical’ heads. We override our natural and intuitive body cues all the time.

Example: You’re dead tired and droning through the day. Instead of checking in with your body to ask what it needs you completely ignore the fatigue, haziness, and the bad mood it’s putting you in and grab another cup of coffee because there’s no possible way you can take a break — you’ve got too much to do.

If you checked in with your body do you think that’s what it would tell you? To push it to it’s breaking point? 

Your body is meant to work naturally and well. When your body is fatigued it’s never telling you to push harder, it’s telling you to slow down and take care of it. 

But what do we do? Ignore it because we ‘think’ we’re smarter.

Our logical and critical minds run through worse case scenarios —

What will people think if I take the day off? 

My family (or co-workers) will crumble if I don’t handle it all.

I can’t possibly take a 15 minute break to clear my head. Success means pushing through and a break will put me behind.

The truth? Giving your body what it needs, in this case rest, is the very best thing you can do for it. Rest actually makes you more productive (and happy!) 

Do the Curiosity Experiment with me today

Pick three or four times today to ‘check in’ with your body and get curious — what’s it saying?

Your body doesn’t talk with words and if you’re not accustomed to its non-verbal language it might take a minute to figure it out. 

It’s like a baby’s cry or a dog’s bark. There’s a different intensity and pitch for different needs. I’m hurt sounds different from I’m tired and I’m tired sounds different from I want to play.

Your body talks to you with feelings and sensations so be curious about tightness, warmth, chills, butterflies, and fatigue. Are you shaky, clammy, or queasy? 

Once you check in ask yourself this: What is my body telling me to do? 

Here’s another example: 

You body feels feels tight and really uncomfortable after you leave a meeting where you didn’t have courage to speak up for yourself. 

What’s your body asking you to do?

Perhaps it’s asking you to have courage and speak from your heart. 

Next step? Honor what you’re body is asking you to do and schedule a meeting. 

Nine times out of ten it’s our Inner Critic making up tragic stories about what will go wrong if we speak up yet in almost every case speaking up adds clarity, understanding, and direction (when you approach the discussion from a place of compassion and understanding that is).

Share your results!

What do you notice when you check-in? What is your body asking you to do? Please comment below!


Darlene and I are working on a Decision Making Crash Course that teaches you how to make any decision quicker, easier, and more intuitively (and it uses some of the same principles I just went over) so stay tuned! It’s going on our website and we’re working diligently to finalize it. 

Wanna be in the It’s a Brain Changer know and get the free crash course as soon as it’s available? Click here and I’ll add you to the insider list.

You can connect with us here too: 



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