My clients have secret relationship agendas. Here's Bob's story

relationship.png

Clients often come to me with a secret agenda that even they’re not aware of most of the time.

Take Bob for example (I changed his name for this post.) Bob called me in September because he needed direction for his business. He also wanted to figure out why he lacked energy and how to get it back.

After four sessions (out of 12) he started noticing major shifts in his energy, outlook, and business direction. He also decided to share another milestone with me at that point:

His relationship with his wife had greatly improved and he recognized a positive shift. They were communicating better, it was becoming easier, lighter and more fun, and he had more compassion and affection for her. She in turn was reciprocating the same better vibes and actions. 

I asked Bob why he hadn’t mentioned wanting to improve his relationship during our initial planning conversation. He said he didn’t think it was worth mentioning because he had accepted long ago that that’s the way their marriage was. They were very different, it wasn’t that bad, and he truly thought it was the best it could ever be.

They had spent time in the past putting in the work, it felt like work, and it didn’t work so why open up that door again. Why get your hopes up when it’s not likely to change anything. Accept what you’ve got, manage it the best you can, and focus on improving other areas of your life. 

When your career and relationships (or lack there of) feel like work of course you’re going to experience an energy drain and lack motivation. Your days are going to feel heavy, hard, and perhaps even hopeless that they could improve. 

And here’s the thing: IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY.

Bob uncovered the root of his career and energy challenges by diving into his weekly assignments and uncovering the negative patterns that were keeping him stuck and un-motivated. He learned life up-leveling tools that have produced a forever shift in him which has spilled over into how he approaches his career, marriage, and overall way of living.

The point I hope I’m making here is that we so often settle in our relationships (and careers too for that matter) and resolve to the fact that ‘it’s not that bad’. Bleh. If you ever say that to yourself I really challenge you to rethink it and take action because you absolutely do have the power to shift your course for good

Life’s too short and precious to be living it feeling like that’s the best it’s ever gonna get. 

I have a strong opinion about this which is why I’m kicking off my new course, ROCK YOUR RELATIONSHIPS, in late January. This inaugural course is for a select few who want to develop their relationship with themselves which WILL in fact strengthen their relationships with others (romantic or otherwise). 

If there’s even a small hint that you could benefit from this course I strongly urge you to get on the first-to-know list. This list doesn’t obligate or pressure you into anything, it simply allows me to give you all the details and first dibs to sign up for one of the limited spots (eight maximum) at a discounted rate.

This course will meet in person in Chattanooga and if there’s enough interest I will consider a video type course as well (using Zoom.)

Three ways to be miserable this season (and the misery antidotes!)

Anne Lamott quotes

This week officially kicks-off the six week holiday season for many and here’s three guaranteed ways to ensure you have a miserable time… so don’t do them and practice the misery antidotes instead please!

 

#1. Compare your life, situation, or family. We all have B.S. in our families and in my 50 years on this earth I have yet to meet a ‘perfect’ family like the ones depicted on TV, Facebook, or the movies.

So PLEASE, save yourself time, stress, and worry and refuse the comparison temptation.

Misery Antidotes:

Find humor in your situations because taking everything so serious and personal is a drag

Celebrate who you are, what you like about yourself, and the things you are grateful for about your situation or family. There’s always something positive.

Two minute resets of deep breathing or reciting a positive mantra. Do this as many times as you need so that you continually bring yourself back to now. Now is the only time you can be grateful, smile, or take a positive/useful action.

 

#2. Have expectations about how things will either go super bad or super great. You know what I mean — you fester for weeks in advance because you know Uncle Rudolph is going to stress you out. Guess what? He will because that’s what you’ve focused on.

Or you play the story in your mind that everything is going to be really great. You lose here too because you’re attempting to control too much.

Misery Antidotes:

Accept the people and situations you can not change. The only thing you control is how you are going to influence the situation or person so choose to make it positive.

Be proactive and determine your mindset or strategy in advance. If Uncle Rudolph has said the same rude comments since 2012 there is a good chance he will say them again. But guess what? You can change how you respond or head him off at the pass by changing the script — he won’t know what hit him :)

Two minute resets of deep breathing or reciting a positive mantra. Do this as many times as you need so that you continually bring yourself back to now. Now is the only time you can be grateful, smile, or take a positive/useful action.

 

#3. Take everything personal

“What did she really mean by that turkey comment? 

Wayne Dyer always said, “What someone thinks or says about you is none of your business.” 

If someone is snarky or rude remember it’s their character coming through not yours and you simply don’t have to play along. 

Misery Antidotes:

Practice compassion. A tall order I know but get this: Hurt people hurt people and only a hurt person will say words that sting. 

Ask yourself better questions. There’s a reason your button gets pushed so ask yourself better questions and give better answers. You taking something personal is about you so figure out why. And figure it out in advance so you’re prepared to let it slide off your back, have a useful reply, or other effective action.

Two minute resets of deep breathing or reciting a positive mantra. Do this as many times as you need so that you continually bring yourself back to now. Now is the only time you can be grateful, smile, or take a positive/useful action.

 

Create these next six weeks on purpose and allow them to be easy, fulfilling, happy, or (insert your own) -- just anything but miserable :) Cheers! 

 

MY FREE HOLIDAY GIFT TO YOU

Receive immediate access to a FREE AND VALUABLE GIFT that moves you though the holidays (and beyond!) calmer, happier, empowered, and fully present. Guaranteed. Expires 12/31/17

Click here for immediate access: https://www.kellysummersett.com/motivation-monday-email