Three Take Action Solutions to a Common Relationship Problem

Making Assumptions

AssUme. It makes an ASS out of U and ME. 

Do you remember that saying? 

I know not to make assumptions these days and yet I still get caught up in it from time to time. I’ll be 100% absolutely certain the person in question meant or did one thing and I’ll be damned if I’m wrong pretty much 100% of the time. It really pisses me off to be so wrong about something I felt I was so right about :)

Here’s three common reasons why we make assumptions and take action solutions that will move you into healthier relationships:

Common Reason #1: Your upbringing. 

For example, if you tend to have a lot of trust issues you’ll automatically assume the people you meet are out to get you vs if your upbringing was safe and nurturing. Or perhaps you grew up poor and overheard your parents making negative assumptions about rich people and how they’re all snobby and ruthless.

Take Action Solution: Question your beliefs.

When’s the last time you stopped and thought about your beliefs? Are they still valid? What assumptions did you pick up from your parents that perhaps you’ve never questioned or challenged? Is there a healthier way to view this assumption?  

Common Reason #2: How you feel about yourself. 

Example: If you feel ‘less than’ another woman you will make assumptions about what she says, how she says it and what she means by it. 

You make it about you and it’s rarely positive, “I can’t believe she said that to me like that! I can tell she doesn’t like me and thinks she’s better.”

Take Action Solution: Question why you want to make it about you and why you’re taking it personal.

Asking yourself better questions (and honestly answering and taking action on them!) helps you develop your self worth and confidence so that what used to bother you no longer will. 

When you have a strong sense of self you will hear what people say from a healthier perspective.

Common Reason #3: You’re scared to ask.

It’s easier to assume than be vulnerable and ask for clarification. “There’s no point in asking, he won’t listen to me.” “What if he gets mad at me for asking?” What if she breaks up with me?”

It’s another way to make it about you and then get stalled out.

Take Action Solution: ASK!

The more you ask, with the goal to understand and gain clarity, the better off you get at developing your relationship with yourself and with others. 

Here’s some great conversation starters:

  • I’m curious, what did you mean when you said…..?
  • You seem upset, will you please help me understand why? 
  • This is what I heard. Is that accurate? Can you explain? 
  • How can we both be heard and figure out a workable understanding? 

Want strong relationships? Don’t assUme! 

Commit to asking great questions that get to healthy understandings. 

Are you Aging Yourself Needlessly?

Age is no barrier. It’s a limitation you put on your mind.
— Jackie Joyner-Kersee

If you’re the age of ALIVE please make things easy for yourself and simply LIVE. 

We have so many limited beliefs and oppressive stories about what we’re supposed to have, be doing, or not doing at any given age. I call bullshit. 

Society loves when you believe this kind of garbage:

You’re 18 and headed to college? Well, you better have your major figured out!

28 and not settled into your 'forever' career? You’re a loser and everyone else is so much further ahead of you.

35 and still not married or have kids!? Disgraceful!

Divorced at 48. Who’s going to love you at this age? 

You have always had a passion for rock climbing (art, acting, etc) but you’re 66. Whoa! What will people think! You’re too old to start that! 

Approaching 70? Better believe your health is going to hell in a hand basket. 

If you’re the age of ALIVE please, for the sake of everything sane and worth believing in, stop thinking that your number matters!

Ya know what matters? 

How you want to live this one precious life and your own very personal timetable for doing so.

Get in the habit of thinking that you’re exactly the right age for everything good and possible because you literally are. 

So, if you’re the age of alive get out and live! Move away from the ‘age matters’ clan and live without limits!

Here's a great clip from a coach I follow and respect, Marie Forlio. She talks about ten women who defy age-ism.