Five ways to tell if you're on the people-pleasing slippery slope
What is people-pleasing?
Prioritizing other people and what they think and want over what you think and want.
How did this habit develop?
Your childhood, of course.
In your developing mind, you learned that when you were pleasing your family you often received love, acceptance, approval, and attention.
How does it look now that you’re an adult?
You may not even realize that you’re people-pleasing now because it’s so second nature.
It looks like kindness, helpfulness, being agreeable, selflessness, and being compassionate.
Who wouldn’t love you? You don’t make waves, you’re easy to be around, consoling, want the best for people, and very dependable.
These are very commendable and honorable qualities to have, after all!
Where’s the slippery slope?
You may find that the people you’re always trying so hard to please aren’t even that pleased anymore.
They just expect more and more.
And respect you less and less.
An unhealthy dynamic for sure.
You keep trying harder to please because of your subconscious need to feel worthy, needed, or loved. And when the needle moves as to what it takes to please them you might think that you're still not doing enough or pleasing them wrong. So you try harder.
And the person you're pleasing? Ever wonder why they need so much of it? Sure, you've made their life easier (and secretly everyone wants that!) but are they any happier?
When someone needs to be pleased they're often resisting taking responsibility for their own lives which would allow them to please themselves. They will never be pleased by you for long because you're never the answer to their happiness and joy.
The slope is steep but you, my lovely, have all the POWER to course-correct before you tumble.
Pay attention! Here are some clues that you’re on the slope…
Do you want to speak up about something but hold back because you don’t want to make waves or fear you’ll say something wrong?
Is ‘I don’t care’ your typical response when asked what you want to eat, what movie you want to see, or where to go on vacation? Did you used to care about these things or do you even remember?
Do you go along with conversations or situations you don’t agree with because you’re concerned that you might make the other person uncomfortable if you speak up?
Do you feel like you’re a shell of your former self? Always feel drained, like there’s never enough time, and life’s a big have-to?
And of course, the tried and true gut check -- do you have a pit in your stomach as you read this?
Take your power back! Because even though your mind has made up a very believable association between pleasing and your worthiness, it’s still not true.
You, me, and the people you’re trying to please are ALL on the same level playing field.
You are 100% allowed to express your opinions, thoughts, and ideas just as much as anyone else, and when you start believing this you start showing up more confidently.
Know why? Because you’re finally developing an adult relationship with yourself and see that you don’t need validation from anyone to feel worthy of love and acceptance.
You are already worthy.
You are already love.
If you tend to move through your days in some type of people-pleasing, controlling, perfecting, and comparison mix yet you’re still not at ease, confident, and joyful, you will get a metric shit ton of value from MindBodyNOW, my one-of-a-kind small group class for women that up-levels your whole life in eight-weeks.
We go deep into people-pleasing (and so much more!) because I’ve yet to meet a woman who doesn’t get tripped up about it. We go deep on a lot of life-altering topics.
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